Life is full of disappointment. We don’t get the job we applied for, the success we want, the cars, vacations, or promotions. There is an endless list of things that we could achieve or that could be given to us. For as long as humans have lived, we’ve been disappointed one way or another.

While it may feel easy to criticize others or yourself for your troubles, this often results in a spiral of self-pity where you feel out of control and stuck. Research shows that having a victim mindset does more harm than good. People become bitter, desire revenge, and are less likely to forgive.

This mindset is not always rooted in our faults, and we often don’t consciously choose to see ourselves as victims. As with many other things, the victim mindset is taught in childhood and then confirmed in our experiences and perceptions of the world. A University of Essex study shows that trauma affects our perception of self, our ability to make decisions, and contributes to mental health disorders, all of which impact and often lead directly to the victim mentality.

When considered, it makes sense. It is easier and safer to blame our problems on someone else, to believe that people have our worst interests at heart, and cut ourselves off from them instead of being vulnerable about our past traumas.

In the 1960s, psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier conducted a study on the theory of learned helplessness and victimhood. In this experiment, three groups of dogs were studied. The first were placed in a harness and subjected to electric shocks. They could not escape, no matter what they did. The second group was put in a similar harness but could stop the shocks by pressing down a panel with their nose. Lastly, the third group was placed in a harness but received no shocks.

After their exposure, the dogs were placed in a room with two compartments separated by a low wall. All the groups of dogs were placed on one side where the ground delivered electric shocks. But across the low wall, the ground gave no shocks. The first group of dogs failed to escape by jumping over the low barrier, even though they could. They had learned that their actions did not affect their situation. The second group quickly learned to jump over the barrier. They knew that their actions would affect their situation. The third group, who had never experienced the shock, also quickly jumped over the barrier.

While perhaps not such an ethical experiment, it does provide a clear picture of the victim mentality. People who truly believe that they are victims often struggle to take action, even when they are no longer victims. Furthermore, those who have been taught that their actions contribute to their situations can adapt quickly. The crux of this issue is that as long as we believe that we cannot do anything to change our situation, we remain a victim. Maybe we need to realize we don’t need to find someone or something to blame. Instead, we should take responsibility and realize that we do not need to remain the victim forever.

Acknowledgement: The ideas expressed in this article are those of the individual author.